there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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