I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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