I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.