Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.