I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
soo... how was my night?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
