We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i came on her dog
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He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
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REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.