Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I want to be your penis for a week.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
DO NOT LOSE IT