hotel room ftw
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.