You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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