Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You are the jesus of drinking
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
