Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
