i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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