Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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