It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
