She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
