Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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