Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
