You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize