Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Randomize
