dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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