I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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