My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
