The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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