I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
