Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
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the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
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I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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