I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
