When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
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We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
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you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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