he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
