the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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