You kept calling me your small dog last night.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
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I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
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I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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