Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize