mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
