if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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