I got chris browned last night
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
