Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I want a musical about memes.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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