it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
