Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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