is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
