i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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