a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
