i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
