we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
