i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
