I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
