I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Two words: blizzard sex
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
