dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Drunk is not a location!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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