It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
