all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
