it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
