just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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