oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
