If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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