You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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