Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
