When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
