There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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