sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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