Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
