Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
