her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
