"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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