does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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