so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
don't judge my taste in strippers
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
