Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
