so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
