Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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