I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
