He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
