Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
