I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
