community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
