my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
