I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
