So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
