I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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